Powerless

Where to begin? The laundry is drying on the line. Rosie and Abby are doing their part to turn the compost. The bees are busy. The day began with prayer and writing, preparing Carl's lunch, exercising, then more prayer, some tears, and two phone calls.

Congo is calling. David Kasali has invited me to come to UCBC and work there. The invitation came as a surprise several weeks ago during the USA Board meeting of Congo Initiative. For the past four weeks the request has marinated in my head and heart. But this entry isn't about all of that. It's about the lessons of this morning.Vulnerability. Powerlessness. Quiet Confidence.

Several years ago I had the privilege of learning a lesson that has served me well: When I admit my weaknesses, I know the greatest strength. That strength usually manifests itself through people as God uses family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers to meet needs in sometimes surprising ways. Almost every time I ask someone for help, I am blessed with sufficiency and surprise. ...



So this morning, after another in a recent stream restless nights (shallow sleep, aching joints, and middle-of-the-night wakefulness), I called my good friend and spiritual director, Bette Anne to ask for prayer. We talked about going to Congo and I admitted that I couldn't see clear how to make it work. That I wanted to go but didn't know how to make it "come together." There are finances. A house. A father who is ailing and a sister with whom I share in his care. I admitted that fear was creeping in. And she reminded me of Step 1: Admit that I am powerless.

I hadn't expected that counsel. But it was the right counsel. I've been "there" before--face-to-face with my powerlessness over circumstance, people, disease, events, the national economy. Every time I've admitted to this fact, I've known great relief and freedom. Perhaps this is why I smile at Rosie, Abby, and the bees. They, too, are powerless against predators, pests, diseases, aging, weather. Yet with absolute abandon they carry on and do the work that is theirs to do.