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CI-UCBC Welcome Center under construction.

Photo courtesy of Grant Hahn

It's hard to believe that I've been back in the states for almost two weeks. Fall, with its crisp mornings, blue skies, and crinkled leaves is upon us. "The Holidays" are rushing in. But Congo and CI-UCBC are never far from my thoughts. In fact, they are the first thoughts when I wake in the morning. Faculty, staff, students, and the workmen of CI-UCBC are my first morning prayers. The dust, the early morning whiff of charcoal smoke, and the rooster's pre-dawn call are still very much alive in my memory.

God has been merciful and bridled my tendency to judge--well at least judge people. So now you know one of my dirty little secrets! Yes, I fall into, "Can you believe..." and "If only she or he would..." too quickly. When Jesus pointed out the hypocrisy and the shortcomings of the Pharisees, he was reminding me of those same faults.

I will judge our culture of consumerism. That's appropriate. That's the siren that tempts me to selfishness and self-preservation. Already stores have loaded their shelves and decorated their windows to tempt spending. Catalogues and flyers arrive daily with encouragement to buy. "Find exactly what you're looking for," "We believe" (yes! on the cover of an Eddie Bauer catalogue!), and, of course, the inevitable, "Hurry in!"

So, the real question. What am I going to do about it? About this temptation to accept the context of middle class America, the context of my locale? That's what is scary. Actually, I have been more afraid of that than anything else. I wasn't afraid of going to Congo. Of traveling alone. Of being in another culture and context. I have been afraid of living into my own selfishness in place that makes it so easy and even encourages it.

I don't have any clean answers other than to keep Congo and CI-UCBC clearly in my sight as a measure of my daily choices. Am I living simply? Responsibly? Focused on others rather than myself? Keenly aware that all I have comes from God? Taking action on behalf of "the least of these"?

You know, it's scary putting this out here. Making it somewhat public. But this is the only way to be accountable.